Life can be easier when you sometimes start thinking another way around than you usually did. For example, I was born and grow up in Asia where paying attention to everyone around you and how others will feel and act according to your behaviour or way of thinking is in the top three essential things to consider. It is hard really. When I passed my late 20’s, I have to start all over again and start to learn to say No or speak up on almost everything I have in my head and want to say. Also, believe me, life feels lighter when you start making a list of things you do not owe anyone and act on it.

So after reading so many reference reads, I began to have decided for myself what are things I do not owe anyone at all, also to my family.

1. You do not owe anyone an explanation about your relationship.

You owe no one, including your family to explain why you choose the person you love. Because this is nothing to do with anyone. Your feelings are only for you and others will never be able to feel the same as you for the person you love. I was born as Christian ( an obvious thing to see because it is also my name), also born and grew up as Asian, very actively in the Church, and also lived in the biggest Muslim country in the World. It was not easy to be gay but to be truth to everyone; it is not that bad to be homosexual in Indonesia and as a Christian. All you need to do is accepting yourself and surround yourself with people who accepted you as you are.

Same-sex love is bad, men and women are made for each other, and it is natural to be with opposite sex are just propaganda religions ever created. Let be real, history has proven that traditional marriage is not a guarrantee for happy marriage and male and female couple is not equal to good parents.


2. You do not owe anyone about your appearance.

As a fashion blogger and influencer, it is easy to think that everyone wishes to see you in a well-combined outfit of the day or at least to be stylish every time you leave your front door. No! I just do not have a chance to dress as the best all the time. From time to time, I just want to wear my comfy ugly t-shirt and sweatpants. If you do not like it, look another way.


3. You do not owe anyone validation.

Speak up and be true to yourself. You are already giving someone a validation even in silence. Open agreement or even just going with the flow is also a kind of validation. I find that when a thing is going against what you believe in, do something about it.

4. You do not owe anyone a child.

As the gay couple, I often got a question if we want to have a kid and why. My answer is simple, no kid and I do not need to have one. It is almost a common question to women married or now and even worst when they reach a certain age because the biological clock is ticking. However, hey, why do you think that human is made to reproduce? There are so many parents that are not suitable to be a parent at all, worry more about that.


5. Do not be sad; no one owed you attention or friendship.

Ah yes, that again. You do not owe anyone friendship or attention. You can be a super kind person, a superstar or super rich kid; there are always people that will not like you at all. A story of myself, I have a friend that will put everything on Facebook to get attention from others, and when you and some others are not reacting, this friend will put the next message on the wall saying that some of the friends are not real friends. At first, I always feel sorry about this but then I was thinking, wait a minute, I do not owe anything to this person. So if you are not getting attention from someone, do not try too hard. It will not work or will be working on the wrong side.


6. Others’ beliefs are theirs; you do not need to agree with it.

The truth is when it come to beliefs, everyone can get hard head and being offended easily. No matter what, you do not owe anyone agreement to their beliefs. No matter what it is and how much they believe in it. It is ok to disagree with it gracefully than only stay in silence or starting an argumentation about it.

7. Please leave me alone.

You do not owe anyone explanation if you need a moment to be alone. I often closing myself from my surrounding, in a cafe, in a club, in a bar, in a restaurant almost everywhere. Others might think that you are ‘rude’ or ‘anti-social’. However, it is ok for you and it is their problem to judge you about your ‘alone time’. If you need an individual moment and thereby must cancel your appointment last minute, so let it be. Just do it!


8. Your Level of Education.

Believe me; education is hyper important, and it is almost embarrassing when you have a certain degree of education from where I grew up. However, why, however? You, as you are now, is not define by your level of education. A person might be overeducated and still be an asshole or less human than you are. I think being happy as you are is much more important than worrying if you have your Master degree or not.

9. Stop saying “I am sorry.”

Do less apologising. You do not owe anyone an apology especially if you not sorry about the matter. I am still learning to stop add ‘I am sorry.’ in my email every time I refuse something or cancel an appointment.


10. Just eat whatever you want to eat.

Really! You owe no one explanation when you want to eat that whole bowl of ice creams in a single scoop. So what about eating healthy, those green and biological ingredients. Well, I think it is unethical when I let others decide what I am going to put in my mouth.

There must be more things that we do not owe to someone else. I found a good read which is already helping me a lot even though I am just half book finish. The book “the life-changing magic of Not Giving A F*ck” will be your eye opener and liberation for you starting today. I believe that, and I do not owe you any explanation about this.

The blog post “THINGS YOU DO NOT OWE ANYONE, EVER!” published on – Dutch Street Style & Men’s Style Blog.

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